Magic and love is surrounding you, a day that you have been dreaming off and excited beyond belief. The Day has been and gone, the remaining few gifts, congratulations and happiness is slowing disappearing. You are happy that there is no more consultations, stresses over the details or petty arguments. But are you?
Is there a feeling of sadness that won’t go away? Apart of you wishes that you could do it all over again, differently or the same but as long as you could do it again?
Well, you are not alone! Wedding Blues is a thing and is more common than you think. In 2018 the University of Kentucky and Bowling Green State University completed a study of 152 women for up to 6 months after their wedding where nearly 12% of them had reported an increase in depressive symptoms. That is not the only case. As in 2013, a woman used “wedding blues’ as her legal defence for the murder of her new husband.
While I urge you to see a professional if the symptoms have lasted more than three weeks, and is disrupting your daily life, I am not suggesting that we all want to murder our new husbands/wives or that we have depression. After planning the perfect day for months or even years, as I did, you might be left wondering what you used to do with your spare time?
Firstly, there is plenty of research to tell you that the post-wedding slump is unavoidable after all this is a life-changing moment. Your MARRIED! That is exciting in itself but to realise that it means more than having a new name if you decided to change, it means that you have made a commitment to another, of love, support, encouragement and care. Give yourselves to take a little time to surround yourself with normality. You both need time from the intense excitement and pressure of the day.
People can try and explain to you the comedown or how you want to re-plan the wedding as no one knows how they are going to feel.
You cannot control 100% the emotions of the day or after. I have been married for three months and hated the planning of the wedding but loved every part of the day and wish I could do it over again. So, I remind myself of how well we did with the planning. How well the day went and how our guests enjoyed their time at the wedding.
Many couples see this as a big goal and achievement in their life, therefore discuss and plan your next big goal - A personal one or join. Many continue on their self-achievement and care that they started before the wedding. So, why not keep the exercise up and join a race, meet new people and make the self-care your focus or some couples wish to move a new home, to start their new chapter but moving is costly and takes time.
For me, I started a business. I had started the business previously to the wedding but was overwhelmed, forcing it to be on hold. It now takes my focus, growing the company into something that my husband and I can enjoy, our first baby if you like so that I can enjoy and create the dreams I have with for our new chapter.
On a side note, if you are struggling after the wedding, for an identity or for your ‘Normal’ to come back, remember it may not go back to what you knew before the wedding. Organisation and preparation will help but talk to your new husband or wife, to those you’re close to and put your focus into something. Most importantly, do not let yourself think that it’s foolish to think your sad your day has gone. You need to find your transition into husband and wife.